Good Moaning France!

Good Moaning France! Officer Crabtree's Fronch Phrose Berk


Now you can spook Fronch like the policeman in ’Allo ’Allo!


  • Criss chunnel fairy

  • Which bonk do you bonk with?

  • Would you lick a drunk? … and much more



Good Moaning France! is a tribute to mangled words, thoughts and phrases. Arthur Bostrom, who played ’Allo ’Allo!’s Officer Crabtree on stage and screen, mixes vowels and pronunciation trying to educate those less gifted in the French longwodge.



Readers’ questions are answered in Ask Crabtree, there are examples from Crabtree’s poloce newt berks and a most unhelpful Undex.


Listen very carefully, you will read this more than once. I loaved it.’
Les Dennis


Available from
and Amazon.


Paperback and ebook (including on Kindle, iBooks and Google Play)
£9.95 | ISBN 978-1-909976-59-7 | 24 October 2018 | 112 pages |


Do you have a burning question that you’d like to ask Officer Crabtree?
If so, you can use the contact form below to massage him.